Yeah, but what if we're wrong?
Was this trip really necessary?

From here to Unconference

So I'm on my way to this. Go ahead. I'll wait...

Done? Good. I'm excited for this. While I've met a handful of the folks face-to-face, there's a percentage of the group that I have "met" on twitter and I feel like I know them. It's funny how much anxiety that has caused me. Here and on Twitter and Facebook, I'm able to think through my words and sound funny or smart or goofy. I don't consider myself shy, but I am introverted. I just don't want anyone to be disappointed. I mean, I'M SOOO cool online. What if I'm lame in real life? 

I'm being a little silly. I'm finding more and more that that is my go to defense mechanism these days. Yesterday was rough. Church attendance was light, not sure we got much over 20 and with the way people spread out in our sanctuary, that is kinda demoralizing. It was a dreary day. We had no kids in worship. I found out that a member I thought was getting out of the hospital hadn't and a another member fell and broke her hip. No one calls me when these things happen. I find out Sunday morning. I had some folks vent their anger at me about 10-A. I had a woman (a sweet woman who was on the PNC that hired me) come up to me and apologize for whatever she had done to me to make me not want to shake her hand. I had no idea what she was talking about. For the life of me, I can't figure out what she's referencing, but I felt terrible that she felt I had slighted her and that she then felt the slight was her fault. I spent two hours in the hospital doing visits after worship. My family headed out to Pittsburgh so I came home to an empty house. I got fast food. 

I woke up at 2:30 this morning. Got to the airport only to discover that I didn't have my i.d. Also discovered that people at the airport aren't all that nice to you when you don't have i.d. Thought I might have left it in my car and that I could make it back for my flight. It ended up being on my kitchen table. I had to rearrange a new flight. I've been very grateful for the support and love of my twitter community in all of this. I'm now sitting in the airport, waiting for a very delayed flight to Philadelphia. 

Oh, and on Sunday we may vote to close the church. 

So I come to this two days of UnConference feeling like I don't have much to offer. I'm tired in all the ways a person can be tired. I'm angry. A lot of the anger is at myself. I'm flustered. I feel a little defeated. 

But, I'm going to Unco. That won't make it all better, but I am very grateful for an oasis. 

Also, I think I'm pretty cool in real life. 

Comments

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TwoFriars

No question you ARE cool in real life. I hope you got some strength and peace out of Unco. I know it was a huge boost for me.

Aric

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