Transitions

so where is this conversation going to happen?

A couple of weeks have past since Barack Obama gave his speech on race. Supposedly, it was the speech that changed everything. You may detect a note of cynicism here. I'm not cynical about the speech itself. It is probably the most important speech that has been given in my lifetime. My cynicism lies in the collective will of the American people to do what Sen. Obama asked us to do, namely, to think about and discuss the issue of race with honesty, sensitivity, frankness, and thoughtfulness. Initially, my skepticism was in the ability of the country to have such a conversation, but after giving it some thought, the real question for me has become 'where is this conversation going to happen?'.

We are currently reading the book More than Equals in small groups at my job. For many of us, it is the umpteenth time we have read the book, but it is a helpful exposition on race relations from the perspective of Kingdom values. The problem is that fatigue sets in. After awhile, people stop remembering why you are having the conversation in the first place. Then all of the anger, guilt, shame, and resentment that have built up over time begin to bubble to the surface. Some get tired of having the same conversation over and over again. Some don't even think the conversation is worth having. Some feel like they are getting blamed for what their ancestors did. Some feel like they can't escape the memory of what was done to their ancestors. When this drags on, people just get exhausted. It isn't one of those conversations that can be held ad nauseum. Actually, I'm not sure that there is such a conversation.

So where can we have this conversation and do so effectively. I have a couple of suggestions:

The Media: I actually do believe that this is one place where the media can lead the way, if they do so responsibly. What would that look like? Well, it means that you have to have a lot of voices involved. It means you don't just bring on the black guy who agrees with Sean Hannity or the black guy who is going to defend Rev. Wright. Ideally, you have them both. I get pretty frustrated with anyone who wants to present the "African American Experience" as being monolithic. The same is true of the "White experience".

The problem with the media is the reduction of important issues to decontextualized soundbytes. The other problem is the 24 hour news cycle. The flood of "infotainment" can get really overwhelming. You rarely see any nuance in the news programming and objectivity really seems to be a thing of the past when it comes to the cable news stations. Now don't get me wrong. I am part of the problem here because there are some nes shows that I love. But I, like many, tend to gravitate towards those stations and programs that represent my particular political leanings. I try to watch a few people that I disagree with to keep myself "fair and balanced", but sometimes it is just too frustrating. The 24 hour news cycle thrives on sensationalism, so they hire hire people that will either stir your passions or raise your ire. That isn't always helpful when talking about an issue as delicate as race. Content-wise, I think PBS and NPR are really ahead of the curve on dealing with these issues. Both tend to be a bit left-leaning, but they get thoughtful authors and commentators on their programs. Format-wise, they are rarely as engaging as the cable news stations, which is unfortuante with America's constant need for entertainment.

Church: Okay, this should be the obvious one, right. The Church has the obvious advantage of theological language that suggests that all people are created in the image of God. It also has the presumed advantge of established relationships, which I think are vital for these kinds of conversations. Most churches have a couple of major struggles to overcome if they are going to seriously have this conversation.

The first challenge is the fact that most American churches are still pretty segregated. I have learned in a very painful way that you can't have conversations about race, even in a Christian context, without a critical mass of different races being present. I guess you can have the conversation, but it won't lead to transformation. That, of course, brings up the issue of why churches are homogenous to begin with. That might be a conversation for another time, but I will say that homogenous churches (particularly non-white churches) have served a purpose in this country for a long time and shouldn't be easily discounted.

Another huge challenge for most churches is that the messages come along in monologue form and rarely in dialogue. It is hard to have a conversation if you can't talk back. Even the most well meaning pastor can only give her own perspective. So how are we going to converse about any of the important subjects that our world is faced with when the conversation is one-sided? I think this is one of those places where leaders have to decided that they are going to give up a little bit of control and let congregation say what is really on its heart and mind. That is scary, especially for those of us who like to preach uninterrupted. Still, I think this is one of those times when we have to step out into the darkness and trust that God will protect us from whatever we might find.

One more thing about the church; theology can be a problem. Almost every atrocity that has occurred since the dawn of Christianity has been legitimized through bad theology. Our own biases can be spiritualized away. Our prejudices can be rationalized biblically (how's that for an oxymoronic statement!). We have to be discerning of what parts of Scripture we use to have this conversation and what parts we exclude. We also have to deal with the theological preconceptions of those who are in the pews.

The Internet: Ironically, I think the internet is the worst place to have this conversation for two interrelated reasons: 1) the ability to post anonymously. For the past few months I have been reading the cowardly, racist comments that people have added to stories about politics, religion, and even sports. They cloak themselves in the shadow of the world wide web, saying things they probably wouldn't dare say in the light of day, face-to-face. They hide behind psuedonyms. I believe lots of people post comments on websites just to play devil's advocate, but I think there are others who actually believe on some level the hatred that they spew, but such hatred cannot be countered in in soundbytes on discussion boards.

The second thing about the internet is that it is no replacement for genuine community and genuine relationship. It's a great place to spew your ideas, but not a great place to have a real dialogue.

This conversation about race will now as it has happened in the past; in the context of relationships where people are willing to offend, be offended, forgive, and repent. It will happen aomng people who care about being in relationship with folks that don't look like them. It will happen among people who are intentional about getting outside of their own comfort zones. It would be great if those people were in the church. Oftentimes, they are not. They might be in bars. Or coffee shops. They might be in classrooms and on campuses.

Ultimately, the true benefit of Senator Obama's speech may not be that of an initiation of a brand new conversation, but of an invitation for more participants to join in on a conversation that many have been having for years.

from homelessness to employment

I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things with my dear blog. It is rare that I have an experience that makes me actually write thnigs down that I want to expand upon in this forum. Yesterday, however, I had one of those experiences.

In this season of my job, I'm looking for lots of students to cmoe work at the Project for the summer. Typically, that means going to internship and job fairs at colleges. I don't particularly like doing that. It does occasionally mean that I get to speak to a college fellowship or preach at a college chapel. I do like that. Yesterday, I went to a job fair. It was unique in that it was a job fair, organized by a friend of the Project, for the homeless. This was a truly unique experience for me, one that I have to write and talk about. I don't know why it struck me so hard, but I do want to share some reflections I had after the experience:

As employers, we spend a lot of time these days trying to recruit the best and the brightest from this nation's colleges and universities. It some ways that makes sense. We want to reward those who have gone throuh the proper channels and prove to them that their academic achievements were in fact worth it. In another sense, however, it is strange that we put so much of our resources into attempting to hire those with very little life experience. We assume that on the virtue of book knowledge that people will be able to manage the various challenges that employment will throw at them. That may be true, but I was struck yesterday as I read over resume after resume that we don't make nearly as much of an effort to pursue this population of people who have actually been in the real world and that have real work experience. I met with one gentleman yesterday who had a two page resume; one page was exclusively culinary experience, one page was solely construction experience. Looking over his resume, it was obvious that this man knew how to work.

For all of these people, something had driven them into homelessness. As a potential employer, they weren't all that willing to share that information with me, but it is pretty easy to imagine; drugs, loss of work, poor financial plannnig, transience, criminal records, etc... This job fair was for many of them the pursuit of a second chance. A pursuit of grace. For tohse of us willing to listen, it was the opportunity to say to these people that their worth would not be solely determined by what they had done in the past.

In corollation to that, it reminded me of the dignity that comes with work. I very easily take my job for granted. Additionally, I take for granted the dignity that my job affords me. The dignity to pay my bills, to care for my family, to move around freely. I also thought about the power that comes with being able to give (or take away) a job from someone...

I thought about how some people can hit a bump in the road and keep on moving while others hit a bump and are completely derailed. Some of that depends on the size of the bump. Some of that depends on the condition of the car. At the risk pf stretching a metaphor too far, there are plenty of cars on the road track that are in poor condition because of situations that are completely out of their control. Those are justice issues. We have to ask why an unwed pregnancy can be completely devastating for one individual but a decade of soliciting prostitutes isn't for another.

The man I mentioned before with the page resume? I told him he was way overqualified for the positions for which we were hiring. He told me that he had heard that before, but that he simply wanted to be in a place that was more than a job. He told me that he had been blessed with so much, he just wanted to be able to bless others. In my mind I was thinking "You? You Mr. Homeless guy have been blessed with so much? You want to give back? " Throughout the fair I was confronted by a generosity of spirit that confounded me. Though people were definitely interested in finding something that would help them get backon their feet, they were attracted to the Project because we serve others and they wanted to be apart of that. Unreal. In the midst of my relative comfort, I can become so self-focused, yet these folks with very little were thinking of ways that they could give back. I truly wonder at times whether or not I understand life at all.

There's much more I could say about this experience. I'm still processing it to a large extent. Instead of saying anymore though, I'd like to direct your attention to my friend's website. He organized the job fair. You can see it here. He's doing a great thing. 

I Get Out

Since leaving seminary, I have gotten out of the habit of writing manuscripts for my sermons, and for the most part, things have worked out fine. Yesterday though, for discipline's sake, I decided to write one out and read it. I'd like to share it with you and hear your thoughts. The layout is the way I did it yesterday.

The first husband was the one that she was arranged to be married to. They had grown up together. Their families did business together. She liked him well enough, but always found the idea of marriage to this childhood friend to be a bit strange. Still, he was good to her and she knew the marriage would mean security for her in the long run. She would want for nothing.

If his illness seemed sudden, his death seemed even more so. She grieved as much for herself as she did for him, until finally her brother-in-law, her dead husband's brother, did the right thing and took her into his home. Though the marriage was legitimate by all legal standards, her new husband couldn't bear the thought of being with his older brother's wife. She began to suspect that his attention was going elsewhere. When she finally had her suspicions confirmed, she decided it would be best to keep her family as well as the one that she had married into from as much shame as possible. They divorced quietly; neither party wished to make a spectacle of the ordeal. She moved away from the countryside with small settlement she received from husband number two.

Number three was the first man to actually sweep her off her feet. She loved him passionately and he returned her passion with an equal intensity. It's been said that women have a way of falling for bad men. She was no exception. They lived lavishly. She never had asked where the money came from, but she had her hunches. Still, she was captivated by him. He didn't care about her past. Instead, he made outlandish claims about how they would spend their future. Unfortunately, there is only so long that one man can live off of another's wealth. In a failed attempt to rob a trading caravan, he learned the hard way that rich men will do whatever is required to protect their riches. It was his death that hurt her more than any other pain that she had experienced.

Twice widowed, once divorced, she returned to her hometown. Her parents, who at this point simply wanted the best for their wayward daughter introduced her to yet another business associate, this one old enough to be her father. Still, he was a man of good reputation and enough stability to support them both. She secretly hoped to outlive this old man and return to her family with whatever he left her. Yet when it was all said and done, it was he who decided to be rid of her. He became frustrated when after several months she had yet to conceive. Man of power that he was, he could never consider the fact that perhaps he was the problem even at his age. After four husbands and no children, she had to accept what may have ended up being the harshest truth of all; that her womb was barren.

If she was unable to give birth then her body was really only good for one thing, and she would have to find a way to make a living off of that. Her fifth husband was more than willing to help her in that endeavor. He would secure her clients, mostly priests and officials who had to keep secrecy as a top priority, and she would keep a small percentage to live off of once she had given him his due. It was a harsh lifestyle. There was no respect to be found for a woman in her position and the clients, even the supposedly pious ones, were inhumanely cruel to her. Still, the abuses she received from clients paled in comparison to those she experienced when she returned home. He beat her if she came home without money. He beat her if she came home with too little money. He beat her when he was drunk. He allowed his friends to abuse her when they were drunk. There is only so much abuse the human spirit can take before it resists oppression at all costs. He disappeared. Shortly after, she disappeared. His body was found in a field. He had many enemies. Though everyone suspected her, no charges were made.

She gave up. The best she could hope for was occasional companionship. Not acceptance. Not love. Not compassion. Just a temporary warm body to distract her from the loneliness. She lived among the other outcasts. It was hard enough being a Samaritan, but to be reviled even among her fellow Samaritans was almost unbearable. She had attempted one morning to go to Jacob's well to get water for herself and her current companion. She couldn't bear the stares. The whispers were deafeningly loud. “Whore”, “Adulteress”, “Beggar”, “Murderer”, “Oh the shame she has brought on her family!”. She heard it all that day and vowed never to return to the well when the other women were there. So she waited for the hottest part of the day and only then, would she go to the well.

John 4
Jesus and the Woman of Samaria
Now when Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard, ‘Jesus is making and baptizing more disciples than John’— although it was not Jesus himself but his disciples who baptized— he left Judea and started back to Galilee. But he had to go through Samaria. So he came to a Samaritan city called Sychar, near the plot of ground that Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired out by his journey, was sitting by the well. It was about noon.
 A Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, ‘Give me a drink’. (His disciples had gone to the city to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, ‘How is it that you, a Jew, ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria?’ (Jews do not share things in common with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, ‘If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, “Give me a drink”, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.’ The woman said to him, ‘Sir, you have no bucket, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us the well, and with his sons and his flocks drank from it?’ Jesus said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.’ The woman said to him, ‘Sir, give me this water, so that I may never be thirsty or have to keep coming here to draw water.’
 Jesus said to her, ‘Go, call your husband, and come back.’ The woman answered him, ‘I have no husband.’ Jesus said to her, ‘You are right in saying, “I have no husband”; for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. What you have said is true!’ The woman said to him, ‘Sir, I see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshipped on this mountain, but you say that the place where people must worship is in Jerusalem.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such as these to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.’ The woman said to him, ‘I know that Messiah is coming’ (who is called Christ). ‘When he comes, he will proclaim all things to us.’ Jesus said to her, ‘I am he, the one who is speaking to you.’
 Just then his disciples came. They were astonished that he was speaking with a woman, but no one said, ‘What do you want?’ or, ‘Why are you speaking with her?’ Then the woman left her water-jar and went back to the city. She said to the people, ‘Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done! He cannot be the Messiah, can he?’ They left the city and were on their way to him.
 Meanwhile the disciples were urging him, ‘Rabbi, eat something.’ But he said to them, ‘I have food to eat that you do not know about.’ So the disciples said to one another, ‘Surely no one has brought him something to eat?’ Jesus said to them, ‘My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to complete his work. Do you not say, “Four months more, then comes the harvest”? But I tell you, look around you, and see how the fields are ripe for harvesting. The reaper is already receiving wages and is gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together. For here the saying holds true, “One sows and another reaps.” I sent you to reap that for which you did not labour. Others have laboured, and you have entered into their labour.’
 Many Samaritans from that city believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, ‘He told me everything I have ever done.’ So when the Samaritans came to him, they asked him to stay with them; and he stayed there for two days. And many more believed because of his word. They said to the woman, ‘It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is truly the Saviour of the world.’

Okay, I took some liberties, I don't know the woman at the well's story. But it is hard to imagine in that time and culture what could have driven a woman into and out of five marriages. Yesterday, I and some of you attended our friend Lizz's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. Much shorter than Marnie's and mine! A marriage at it's best is the uniting of two souls who stick it out for better and for worst and their lives become one life. I know from speaking to people who have divorced that when you separate, you realize the truth of that oneness. Even if the marriage was a complete disaster and the divorce needed to happen, the parties involved have lost a bit of themselves. It is hard to imagine what is left of this woman after five marriages ending.

What always strikes me about this passage is the fact that after her encounter with Jesus, this woman returned to her city and informed those who would listen that Jesus told her everything she had ever done. At least within the context we are given, that is certainly not the case. He never mentioned her acts of love. He never mentioned her acts kindness. He never mentioned her acts of humor. Or her acts of generosity. No, he only mentioned that she had been married five times and that she was currently living with someone who was not her husband and to her, that was everything. That was her whole life summed up by those failures of relationship. She had become defined by her sin. Now I'm sure that wasn't by her choosing. I'm sure she would have loved to have been known for her beauty, for her intelligence, for her ingenuity, for her leadership. But instead, she's the woman whose had five husbands. The whore, the slut, the adulteress, the prostitute.

You know it would be an awful thing to be known by your sin. I know I would be pretty miserable if my worst sin was always before my face. I will always have the worst things that I have done and left undone hidden in my heart and I'll probably always have to deal with them on some level, but I would hate walking around with those things thrown in front of my face daily. It does happen for many today and i would dare say that it happens more for women than it does for men. We have all sorts of lovely terms that we use to sum the character of woman based on her sin. Whore, slut, ho, bitch, baby killer. Women have had to bear the unfair burden of being more greatly identified with their sin over long periods of time. That's something that men bear a lot of the responsibility for. Certainly we all have to carry the weight of own decisions, but I propose that we often take it upon ourselves to add additional burdens onto the shoulders of those who are already burdened by their sin and I propose that we do that to women more than we do to men.

I want to play a song for you. The lyrics will be on the screen.

"I Get Out"

-Lauryn Hill

[Singing Chorus]
I get out, I get out of all your boxes
I get out, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out
Father free me from this bondage
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must change

[Verse 1]
Your stinkin' resolution
Is no type of solution
Preventin' me from freedom
Maintainin' your pollution
I won't support your lie no more
I won't even try no more
If I have to die, oh Lord
That's how I choose to live
I won't be compromised no more
I can't be victimized no more
I just don't sympathize no more
Cause now I understand
You just wanna use me
You say "love" then abuse me
You never thought you'd lose me
But how quickly we forget
That nothin' is for certain
You thought I'd stay here hurtin'
Your guilt trip's just not workin'
Repressin' me to death
Cause now I'm choosin' life, yo
I’ll take the sacrifice, yo
If everything must go, then go
That's how I choose to live

[Pause]

[Singing rest of Verse 1]
That's how I choose to live...
No more compromises
I see past your disguises
Blindin' me through mind control
Stealin' my eternal soul
Appealin' through material
To keep me as your slave

[Singing Chorus]
But I get out
Oh, I get out of all your boxes
I get out
Oh, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out
Oh, I want out of social bondage
Knowin' my condition
Oh, is the reason I must change

[Singing Verse 2]
See, what you see is what you get
Oh, and you ain't seen nothin' yet
Oh, I don't care if you're upset
I could care less if you're upset
See it don't change the truth
And your hurt feeling's no excuse
To keep me in this box
Psychological locks
Repressin' true expression
Cementin' this repression
Promotin' mass deception
So that no one can be healed
I don't respect your system
I won't protect your system
When you talk I don't listen
Oh, let my Father's will be done

[Singing Chorus]
And just get out
Oh, just get out of all these bondage
Just get out
Oh, you can't hold me in chains
Just get out
All these traditions killin' freedom
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must change

[Singing Verse 3]
I've just accepted what you said
Keepin' me among the dead
The only way to know
Is to walk then learn and grow
But faith is not your speed
Oh, you've had everyone believed
That you're the sole authority
Just follow the majority
Afraid to face reality
The system is a joke
Oh, you'd be smart to save your soul
Oh, when escape is mind control
You spent your life in sacrifice
To a system for the dead
Oh, are you sure...
Where is the passion in this living
Are you sure it's God you’re servin'
Obligated to a system
Getting less then you're deserving
Who made up these schools, I say
Who made up these rules, I say
Animal conditioning
Oh, just to keep us as a slave

[Singing Chorus]
Oh, just get out
Of this social purgatory
Just get out
All these traditions are a lie
Just get out
Superstition killing freedom
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must die
Just get out
Just get out
Just get out
Let's get out
Let's get out
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must die
Just get out

There is a whole school of theology that teaches that God's primary work in the world is the work of liberating people from oppression. When I read this story of the woman at the well, I see a woman having a liberating encounter with the living God. I see a woman being given the offer of eternal life, wanting to be free of the bondage that life has put her. The bondage of isolation, the bondage of loneliness, the bondage of being identified solely as a sinner. This woman has an encounter with the Messiah, the Christ, the Anointed One, the God who loves His people enough to dwell among them and she is freed.

How do we know she's freed? Well, she returns to the city, the city where she has undoubtedly been on the receiving end of barbs and insults, and degrading comments, and innuendo, and maybe even outright abuse and she proclaims that she has had an encounter with the Messiah. I think knowing her position in life she could not declare that he was the Messiah, but she could say what her experience of him was. We know she's freed because despite the infamy that she lives with, her testimony brings many to belief. At this point in the Gospel of John, only two other people have pointed Jesus out as the Messiah; John the Baptist and Andrew, the brother of Peter. And of the three, she was the most effective. Andrew brought Peter, John brought some disciples, the woman has brought a city to Christ. She is among the Gospels' first evangelists. Why is it that she is only referred to as the woman at the well? Why don't we refer to her as the woman who evangelized Sychar? Or the woman with the living water? Or the better Samaritan?

For a long time the Church (capital “C”) has done a lot to suppress various voices in its community. I've watched over the last couple of years how my female colleagues from seminary have languished in their search for ministry positions in which to share their gifts while their male counterparts get positions with what seems like very little effort. It is easy for me as an African American to talk about how the voices of people of color have been suppressed. It's a lot harder for me as a man to talk about how the voices of women have been suppressed. Once while Saleem and I were talking about worship here at Mosaic, he expressed his joy at our new preaching rotation and then said that it would be good if we could also get someone with a little less facial hair to preach on occasion. Dimwit that I am, I took it as an indication that I needed to shave. Of course, he was talking about having more female voices represented. I confess to you all my own misogyny and how I have not honored women in my life. It is something that I deeply repent of and truly want to change in my own life.

I believe there are two kinds of sin in this world: self assertion and self negation. Self assertion says I want that, gimme, it exalts self above others. Self negation denies the image of Christ in you. It says “I am worthless”. I have no value apart from what I can offer to others. Self negation isn't unique to women. As a child of abandonment and abuse, I often struggle to see my own value as having its source in God alone. But self negation is bondage. It is a box that we must escape from to be the true us that God has intended for us all to be. We have a friend at the Project whose mother works for Christians for Biblical Equality. The group refers to themselves as being extraordinary advocates for Christ's liberation from human limitations imposed by gender, ethnicity or class and isn't that what we all should be. We have to say along with Lauryn Hill that we won't be victimized no more. We won't be compromised no more. None of us can be as useful to the kingdom of God as we desire to be if we stay enslaved to our sins.

Let me say one last thing. Jesus says to the woman that the time is coming and is now here when the true worshippers will worship in Spirit and in truth. He says to her that worship is not limited to location. Well, it's also not limited to time. It's not limited to style. We've done a terrible thing to the word “worship”. We've used it define our musical preferences. 'We're a black church so we need to have a choir, we're an emerging church so we ned to have a praise band, we're a Presbyterian church so we need to have hymnals. We're a blended worship church so at some point in the service you're going to be unhappy. Friends, worship is about so much more than what style of music you like or dislike. For the past week and a half I've been speaking to groups of college students from Isaiah 58. The audience of that part of Isaiah was a part of the Nehemiah revolution of returning from captivity, rebuilding the temple and restoring the rites and rituals. They thought that if they fasted the right way, and prayed the right way, and sang the right way, then God would be near to them. But God says through the prophet “Is not this the fast that I choose:
   to loose the bonds of injustice,
   to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
   and to break every yoke? 
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
   and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover them,
   and not to hide yourself from your own kin?” Paul says in Romans 12 that I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Brothers and sisters, worship has much more to do with what we do once we leave this sanctuary than it has to do with what we do inside of it. It has to do with living lives toward God and toward each other. It has to do with releasing people from bondage whether that be the bondage of others people's pride or the bondage of their own self negation. And it has to do with being authentically who we are before God, warts and all, and knowing that we are both fully known and fully loved in Jesus Christ.

My statement of faith

I haven't blogged in awhile. I thought I'd jump back into it slowly by sharing the statement of faith my CPM will get from me. I'd love your thoughts.

    I believe in One God who has, from before the beginning of time, existed in community. That community finds its expression in the Trinity, in which God lives in mutual, self-giving love with God's self. Though various descriptions of the trinitarian relationship have been expressed, the one that I find most meaningful is that of Father/Mother, Son, Holy Spirit because it speaks to the familial, relational aspects of who God is. The first person of the Trinity created life from nothing and continues to draw life out of the darkness. The Son, who is the Word of God in flesh, showed through his life what humanity could be when life is lived towards God and towards others instead of towards oneself. The second person of the trinity created community by healing those outside of community, and challenging those who would use their power to exclude individuals from community. Through the Holy Spirit, God continues to heal, reconcile, and give life. The Spirit teaches, guides, and empowers the Church to continue the work of Christ.
    That work is the work of redemption. God, gives humanity freedom to choose how we will live our lives and we chose willingly to live in disobedience of what God would have us do. Christ mirrors our own sinfulness to us, in that while God dwells among us to bring life and hope, humanity in return conspires to kill the One who loves us more than we love ourselves. I believe that Christ's life was as redemptive as his death in that it shows us a better way to live. In Matthew 20:28, Christ speaks of giving himself as a ransom for many. In his death, Christ frees us from the bondage of sin and liberates us to be in relationship with God and others. If the love of God creates community, reconciliation, and wholeness, then sin is that which creates isolation, alienation, and brokenness. Sin distorts the image of God in which we have been created and prohibits us from seeing the image of God in others. The ultimate end of sin is death or complete alienation from God. Christ's resurrection,however, shows that God's love will always triumph over death. I believe that the Church is God's agency on earth continuing the work that Christ began by reconciling people to each other and to God. Included in that work is caring for the poor and ostracized, challenging the status quo of both religion and politics, and declaring forgiveness and freedom to those who are bound by sin. The Church is not limited to any time, place, building, or confession, but is comprised of the people of God in every time and place.
    The Scripture is the authoritative testimony to who God is and what God is doing in the world. It is also a historical document in that it reflects the theology of the times in which the authors lived. I believe the Scripture to be inspired by the Holy Spirit, yet filtered through the minds, hands, and contexts of men. I believe that through the Sacraments of Baptism and Eucharist we are given visible signs of our inclusion in God's community. Baptism reminds us that it is God who has known us and called us since before we were in our mothers' wombs. The Eucharist reminds us of Christ's life, death, and resurrection and gives us a vision for when people from all nations will gather together and feast at the Lord's table.
    The Hope that we cling to as Christians is for a new heaven and a new earth in which there will be no more suffering or death. Christ's resurrection gives us hope for when our communities will include not only those we see now, but also those who have preceded us and those who will follow us. Christ's resurrection also gives us hope to believe that the coming kingdom of God will give rise to the rebirth of the physical world and not simply a separation of the soul from the body. As Christians we hope for a world where God's will is done perfectly as it is in Heaven and yet we do not wait for that world to appear suddenly. Instead we work for the renewal of all things, knowing that the kingdom is at hand and yet not fully realized.

from the church I want to the church(es) I have

I complain a lot. I'm very aware of that. When people describe me, they often use words like "critical" or "cynical". I recognize that that is their way of saying that I whine a lot. I don't deny it. I tend to think of what I would change about something before I think about what I like about it. What I am describing right now is certainly not one of my sexier traits. (I do have some sexy traits) It is what it is. It is apart of me. Not always a part I like, but certainly a defining part. Sometimes my own whining gets to me. Maybe it doesn't get to me often enough. I don't like feeling negative. I don't like bringing others down. Sometimes I wish I was a bit more on the Pollyanna-ish side. I think sometimes my negativity leaves me feeling iscontent in the midst of otherwise very good circumstances. Maybe that's what I have been wrestling with lately.

The truth of the matter is that though I have not settled in one community, I have been dipping my toes into several different ones, each with things that I really love. Without saying names of places, I do want to celebrate what those communities I am apart of have to offer.

One of the things that I have grown to appreciate about one of the communities I have been around since returning is the feeling of family. It is hard to define that feeling. Sometimes you know that you are welcome in a place and people will pardon whatever sins you bring in with you because you are apart of the family. They won't excuse your sins, but they will forgive. Maybe more importantly, they'll let you know that they're flawed as well. In its healthiest sense, family is the place where you can feel most comfortable being yourself. A lot of churches don't want that. They want the cleaned up, sanitized version of you. It is a blessing when you know that you can be who you are and that that person who you are is loved.

Another thing I have really grown to appreciate is communities that walk the line between tradition and innovation. I think younger church folks tend to want to throw out the more traditional elements of the faith. That tends to include people. It is fun to be apart of churches that listen to the older voices as they navigate contemporary issues. But you also have to invent. The church is facing a lot of things that people didn't have to deal with in the fifties. Having our eyes and ears faced towards the culture is not a bad thing along as we're not being corrupted by it. I appreciate the emphasis on mission many of the places I go to now have. When I say "mission", I'm not talking about going overseas or some committee within the church. I mean the idea of the church seeing itself as on a mission, that being to continue the work of Jesus Christ. There is something empowering that happens when people are told that they are doing Christ's work. Finally, I love the church. I love the diversity of thought and past experience that comes together, for whatever reason, to become the church. Much of the time, I think of te church as a student not living up to her/his potential. Still, I have to remember is that from the broken vessel that is the church, many good people have emerged, some damaged, but all faithful. We have all been shaped and molded by the body of Christ. Easy to overlook all the good that is being done in the world in the name of Christ. Good tends to fly under the radar. Many local expressions of Christ's body have poured into who I am now. I am thankful for that.

from worship service to worshipful lives

At my parents church, worship is a show. It's a very well done show. The musicians are exceptional. The lighting is good. The last time I was there, they had a pretty good multimedia crew. The pastor is funny and witty and yet totally scholarly when he throws the Greek around. It's a good show. You leave church thoroughly entertained.

It is interesting to me when I think about worship to look at the New Testament. There is one place where it is mentioned that Jesus and the disciples sang a hymn (the last supper) and the apostles sang hymns in prison. Paul says that we should greet each others with hymns and spiritual songs. So that's it. There are a lot of mentions of prayer. We're told we should do it away from the eyes of others. Interesting. We're told to do it without ceasing. Fascinating.

We all know that music has this amazing ability to lift us out of a funk. Sometimes all it does is legitimize the funk that we're in, telling us that are sadness and anger are valid. Sometimes it totally elevates us. Music is powerful. Music can also be manipulative. We can put lyrics that get into our souls to catchy beats. one of the reasons so many emerging churches are reviving hymns is because of how shallow and flowery praise and worship music can be ("Jesus is my boyfriend" music, as one of my friends said). We can mask bad theology with great tunes. On the other hand, music that often gets at the heart of justice and mercy sometimes has swear words in it. (GASP!) That's the music most of us listen to Monday through Saturday. Granted, in our younger days we all like escapist music, but for most of the folks I hang with, as they get older, they look for more substance in their music. They don't always find it in church. They find it in folk, blues, hip hop, jazz, and rock music. (Secular music!!!)

I didn't mean to go on and on about music, but music is the first thing people think of when they think of worship. One of the core verses that shapes my thinking on worship is Romans 12:1. The sacrifice of our day to day lives is our acceptable act of worship. Worship is, after all, how we express God's "worth-ship". (that's the etymology of the word). We worship those things that are valuable in our lives and there is no better way to show God that He has value in your life than living a life modeled after Christ's.

Is there anyway that the elements of worship, particularly prayer and music, can be more a part of our daily lives? A more authentic part of our daily lives? The odds are if a "secular" song speaks to you for some reason, there is some truth to be found in it. I'm not saying that we should communally sing every song that comes on the radio, though that would be fun. But I shouldn't just be thinking about God when I sing a hymn or praise song. Again, the assumption here is that my relationship with Christ is central to my life.

One of the more interesting blogging expereinces I had was on my old blog and it sort of centered around this same subject. If you were not a party to that dialogue (or simply blocked it out!) you can check it out here. I'm sure no minds were changed in that conversation, but I continue to argue that we as Christians are too focused on the worship experience. I'm not denying the power of the worship experience. This summer I was reminded of how powerful and moving worship experiences can be. Still, the high we receive from those worship experiences can be as addicting as any drug. We can allow ourselves to be fooled into believing that God is absent if we are not on that high. I am not for the abolishing of worship gatherings. I don't think I'd gain any support for that idea. I would like for worship to feel more authentic, less artificial.

I don't know how to do that, but it is what I think we should be going for...

from Sunday morning to life together

Let me preface this by saying that I have experiences that I don't think are completely unique. One of which is the fact that from the ages of ten to about 13 I commuted to church. My folks continued the commute long after I stopped going to church with them. Our drive to church was about forty-five minutes. There's a lot that goes into that I'm sure was unique to me and my folks. Still, when I went to seminary, the situation wasn't much different for folks who lived in Marin, but worshipped in San Francisco. Even when I was in Portland working at a bunch of neighborhood churches, there were folks who would drive miles to get to church. The irony in that case was that sometimes people would pass one of the churches at which I was working to get to a different one!

What's my point in all of this? Well, my point is that you can't have community with folks you don't see on the weekdays. Okay, that's a generalization, but a pretty fair one I think. The folks in your community are the folks you see day in and day out. For most of us, work (whether we like it or not) is where we have community because that's where we spend the bulk of our time.

That brings me to another point; you don't have to have community with people at your jobs. You can go about your business and, depending on your job, operate with very few deep connections. What does that have to do with church? Well, it means that you can go six of seven days of the week (again, depending on your job) commuting to places where you don't really live life with people. And just by sheer volume of time spent together, you are most likely to have community with folks at work. My point is that church can feel like another place where you punch the clock, do your time, and try to get out without having someone yell at you.

So what are the alternatives? There are a couple as I see it: 1) investing in local churches. The small, local, neighborhood (whatever you want to call it) churches are dying because of the draw of large, megachurches where people can escape relatively unnoticed. Let's be honest, it is harder to go to a church where people notice your presence and absence. It means you may have to go consistently! When I stopped going to my parents' church I started going to a church that was in walking distance of my house. It wasn't as flashy or professional, but folks there knew my name (and they were always glad I came!) In addition, I saw the same folks at school, local events, and on my paper route. I know, it sounds like the fifties, but maybe the fifties weren't all bad.

The second alternative is something closer to what I'd like to be apart of. That is a community of folks built around common gathering spaces where people know each other, share life, and see each other regularly. A place where conversation could emerge organically. (the most postmodern sentence ever) A place where people could feel free to pray for each other spontaneously or discuss theology or show off pictures of their new (kid, dog, motorcycle...whatever). yes, we need time that is completely set apart for worship, but does it have to take place away from the normal flow of our lives? Can't we invite the Holy Spirit into any place we are? And if people saw a "normal" place suddenly became a "sacred" place, wouldn't they be drawn into that? If Christ is really the center of our lives, wouldn't worship...happen?

It is really easy to isolate oneself. I feel like I've gotten very good at it. Maybe I'm just looking for more to draw me out of my shell. I long for community, but I fear getting hurt by it.  I don't think I'm the only person like me in the world.

from something broken to something better (hopefully)

One of the sad things about living in Pittsburgh is that all of the church's dirty laundry gets aired on the front page of the paper. Take this for example.

Another church is leaving another fairly conservative southwestern PA presbytery. In my old neck of the woods no less. A lot has happened recently that just makes me wonder "why can't the church get its act together?"

The problem is, I know the answer to that question. We're all broken. I get that. I'm completely aware of my own brokeness. That answer rings hollow for me, though. Are we so broken that we can't see that we need each other? Are we broken that we can't perceive the image of Christ on the faces of our neighbor? Are we so broken that those of us who hold to authority of scripture can just ignore the myriad passages in which God shouts out His care for the poor and disenfranchised?

I'm not writing this to be judgmental. My own brokenness has kept me from committing to one local expression of the body for the past few months. I'm simply exasperated by having the same conversations in my head over and over again. (yes, those would be conversations with myself, big deal). With all of the ways that I have grown in the past few years, this is one stumbling block that I cannot get over: I hate church. I have been hurt and damaged by church. I have been abused by those who were supposed to represent God, some who didn't even realize they were being abusive. It's hard not to hate the church when the church used to beat you for so many years.

What compels me is that I also have a dream for what church can be. That's what drove me to seminary and I didn't find it there. I see glimpses of it here (The Project), but this is not "a" church. Some people are getting it right. Some of those people are good friends of mine. Some of them write inspiring books that shock me into hoping (I'm looking at you Shane Claiborne). Some of them just want to let kids know that they are loved just as they are.

So what's my dream for church? Well, that really doesn't matter, but I do want to write things down. Over the next couple of days I will write a few of my thoughts on what my dream for church is. This is solely for my own benefit, but feel free to chime in. I want something better. The world needs something better. God deserves something better.

from exhaustion to grace

So my summer season at the Pittsburgh Project is over. It was a challenging season, but very good. I feel like I grew and stretched a great deal. The bottom line of work like ours is that vulnerable people were loved, the Gospel was preached (though some missed it), and community was built even if only for a week or so. The hope in the midst of all this, my greatest hopes are that God was glorified and that I was useful in some way.

The other bottom line, at the moment is that I am exhausted. The mental, emotional, and spiritual marathon that has been the last six months (give or take) has had a pretty big toll on me. I'm looking forward to shutting my brain off for a few days in about a week. But first...

I have to retake the exegesis ordination exam. I'll get the exam questions tomorrow and I have to be done writing by Thursday morning. I'm not sure if it is the exhaustion or the season of ministry behind, but I am once again returning to my old thoughts of wondering if this whole ordination dealie is worth anything. It still feels like picking a side when the fact of the matter is that God wants us to be One as He is One. Now with that said, I have seen one major benefit of being in a denomination this summer; instant credibility (in select circles). The fact that I am pursuing PC(USA) ordination is a point of connection for a lot of folks that makes doing my job a little bit easier. Still, can I justify putting so much time, effort, and money into something that...never mind. If you've heard me talk at all, you've heard this all before.

Even working for an agency that has social justice at its heart, I am often confronted with whether or not I am doing enough. I rarely get my hands dirty. Though I may be gonig to Findlay, OH to help a group that comes to the Project on regular basis in the aftermath of the flooding. Still, I'm surrounded by need. Being overwhelmed by need and feeling exhasuted is a pretty awful combination.

It is a combination that reminds me, however, that I need grace. The kind of grace that allows me to take a nap in the boat while the storm is raging and the waves are crashing. The kind of grace that allows me to rest in the arms of people who aren't feeling the tired that I'm feeling. The kind of grace that reminds me that I'm not Superman. Or Batman. Or Aquaman. You get the point. Knowing I don't have to solve everything gives me the freedom to solve what I can and pray for what I can't, knowing that even what I can solve is only by God's grace.

I'm sure this is a point I will have to revisit over and over again. Those of us in ministry so often superimpose our faces over that of Christ and we need to be remind that He must increase and we must decrease. Somehow, when you're already feeling pretty small, that is a comfort.

from student to student leader

Sorry I haven't been so good about keeping you updated on the details of my life. I'm hoping at some point, life will slow down enough for my blogging to be a more regular occurrence.

Anyway, I just found out a piece of news (the good variety) that almost made me cry. Yes, me. Mr. Dead on the inside. So I was scanning the list of leaders that are bringing students to the Pittsburgh Project next week. One of the leaders who is coming was a stuednt in my small group back in 2007. When I met him, he was a middle schooler, now he's bringing a group of middle schoolers! Granted, he's just a student leader because he's under 21, but he's still a leader. On one hand it makes me feel really old. On the other hand, it makes me feel really proud. This kid followed me like a lost puppy when he came as a sixth grader. I'd like to think I had some influence on his life. I also wish I had done a better job of staying in touch with him over the years. Hopefully after we reconnect next week, we can stay in better touch.

I feel kinda sappy, but this is the closest thing I've gotten to being one of those youth leaders who gets to watch his/her kids grow up and become youth leaders. It's pretty emotional.

...alright, apparently I need to go watch Die Hard or something before I start to gush.